“Mother, you give birth to your son and daughter overcoming pain that almost kills you.  You just always gathered wild herbs for your daughter and son silently.  Moreover, you always feel sorry to your daughter and son, because you think that everything you have given to them was not enough.  Your dream and every night’s prayer are just for your daughter and son.  They are your life, your wish....” This is a poem named, “Mother’s Life” by Kim Ingyue.  As this poem says, our mothers always have sacrificed for us.  In our mind, and in our society, they are carved as sacrificing, parental loving.  Also, as a daughter, we look at her rough hands sympathetically.  However, nowadays, some mothers’ revolution has come and that revolution is spreading to others.

 

Mother’s Duty

In the movie ‘Mom’ released in 2010, there is a mother who always worries about her daughter, even after she grew up, and in ‘Herb’ there is a mother who sacrificed herself for her handicapped daughter.  As these media show, Korean mothers always have sacrificed for their daughters and sons.  It’s revealed to not only on television and movies, but also in novels.  In Handonglim’s novel, Come Home and Jimjungyun’s Mother’s Life, mothers prove their instinctive love, although their kids undeserving.  In Korea, it’s not strange that a mother sacrifices herself for her kids.  For example, praying mothers can be seen in front of schools at the Korean SAT testing, and taking care very much.  Also, we can find mothers who try to find their lost daughter or son for a very long time.  Perhaps we all agree about our mothers’ sacrificing.  However, their love robbed their name gradually.  They lost their name, because they take care of only their kids.  Now, they just are called as someone’s mother.  Mothers lose their friends, jobs, even themselves.  “I gave up my job for my kid.  I think they are more important than my job.  I can sacrifice more than that for my kid.  It is a mother’s duty, I think,” said housewife, Huang (Seoul, 46).  She gave up her multinational corporation’s CEO position that made hundreds of millions of won a year.2

 

Her Dreams Come True

Is that really true? Mothers have to sacrifice themselves for their kid?  Whether true or not, they have lived so.  However, nowadays many mothers have changed.  Now they try to find themselves.  Actually, this revolution was started in Japan first.  As we know, in Japan there are countless fans of Yonsama (Bae Yongjune’s name in Japan) and they are mostly old women, often mothers.  They find themselves through Yonsama.  “I like Yonsama, because he makes me feel happy and makes me realize that I am a woman,”3 said some Japanese women.  Joe Eunbum who works in The Korean Trade Investment Promotion Agency, said, “Japanese women were tired about their husbands’ thoughtless attitudes and suffered from climacteric depression.  Therefore, they found themselves through Yonsama’s softness.4
Japanese mothers’ self-finding trend has now spread to Korean mothers, too.  These symptoms can be found in Korea in different guises.  In the KBS drama Angry mother, there is a mother who insists on taking a mother’s vacation.  She insists on a reward for all her sacrificing.  At first, her whole family refused to accept her vacation, of course.  They thought that although they had to be thankful to mother for her sacrificing, it was her natural duty, and if she took a break from all her housework, then who would do it?  However, her family finally accepted her vacation and she found herself during vacation through many ways like reading books, learning computer, and watching movies alone.  Nowadays, we can hardly see a sacrificing mother in media, instead we can see smart, confident mothers who take care of themselves.  About this trend, some broadcasters say, “The mother’s role has changed as the age has changed.  Recently, mother seldom thought that their kids are their all.  They care for themselves and their jobs, too.”5
Mother’s revolution has materialized in many ways.  For example, mothers learning something like computer, art, or dancing have increasing and social programs for mothers are also increasing.  A reality broadcast program that involves housewife’s changes was broadcast on MTN.6  In this program, mothers show that they are also women, and they can also be beautiful.  Programs that help mothers find themselves are popular.7  “I found myself through this program, I was tired of boring, monotonous life,” said a housewife of forty.8  A housewives in her fifties who is learning computer and social work said, “In the past, when I was just a housewife, it was very boring after my husband went to work and my daughters went to school.  However, now I feel like I found myself.  Nowadays, life is very fun.”  Moreover, there is a mother’s band that debuted in January, 2004.  GG band is comprised of five mothers.  Although they did not know about any instrument, now they can sing and prepare for performances.  “I worried at first, but now I have confidence in myself and look forward to performances,” said Lee Bokran, one of the band members.9  As these interviews tell, mothers seem very happy about finding themselves.

Also through these actions, recent mothers are overcoming “empty nest syndrome.”  Empty nest syndrome is a syndrome that occurs to parents, especially mothers, whose children have left home.  This is common to middle- ged women.  However through this, they found their own answers.  They concentrate their attention to themselves instead of their kids.  “Old women can easily suffer empty nest syndrome.  However, they also can overcome that through sound leisure,” said Hungjung One, welfare expert.10

 

Daughter’s Attitude

Then, what is our daughter’s opinion?  There are two opinions about our mother’s revolution, and it can be found in the audience’s reaction to the drama Angry mother.  Positive opinions are that the daughter and son are not even children, so the mother’s vacation can be accepted and it’s her right.  On the other hand, the negative opinion is that her insisting encourages family destruction.  Also, she is so selfish.  About this, Sinyoung Kim, psychiatry doctor said, “People watch this drama because of gap between reality and desire.  They actually want that freedom, but it’s very hard to fulfill in reality.”11  Is that true?  Do we, daughters conflict between reality and desire?  “I want to make my mother happy.  Also I want her to find herself.  However, it’s a little strange that for a mother to take care of herself more than her family.  I know that it’s a little selfish, but it’s not normal in Korea yet, I think,” said department of humanity ’10 Sunhwa Jung.  Through this interview, we can realize our contradiction.  We agree with her dream only in theory.
However, unlike our worry that maybe she will pay no or less attention to us, if she finds her dream, a mother’s finding her dream can enrich the family.  “My kids are like my hobby.  I can play with them more through my leisure.”  Housewife Minhua You learned balloon art as leisure and through this leisure, her kids play more with their mother.  Also, housewife Gungwon Jung recently read many books as leisure, and through this, she talk more with her family.12  “I can talk more easily with my family with books,” said Gungwon Jung.  Daughter of a mother learning computer and social work, department of humanities ‘10 Kim said, “I think as mother learns something, she feels very alive, and it makes the whole family harmonious.”  Like these, the mother’s hobby enriches not only herself, but also the family, too, because mother’s confidence and happiness spread to the whole family.

 

To Daughters of Sookmyung

Will Kern, professor of SMU who wrote the script ‘Mothers and Tigers’ said, “Korean mothers are forgotten behind the social structure and patriarchy, but they have overcame all those painful history like a tiger.”13  Also unlike 50’s men, 50’s women’s happy index is quite low, because of the burden of family.14  As this information shows, our mothers are obsessed with family for their whole life.  However, now they are trying to find themselves.  They are leaning something and want to do something that they can do well.  They started their first step of ‘self finding’ or they want to do that secretly.  Then, as daughters, as same women, what is our right attitude?  It’s helping her out of love.  It’s not difficult.  Even small encouragement can help mother strongly.  Mother needs our encouragement.  Also, many girls will become mothers.  To help mother find her happiness might be the way to be happy in the future.

 

1 Gusoek Jang「, Mother Found her lost son after 20 years」, CBS News, 2009.11.13
2 Hongjune Jang, Suryun Park, Yumi Park, Minsang Kim「, Korean mom is tired about education」, Joongang Ilbo, 2011.01.07

3 Goeun Yun「, Japanese old women’s desire to Yonsama」, Yonhapnews, 2004.11.20
4 Eunbum Joe「, Japanese old women’s psychology who adore Yonsama」, KORTA, 2005
5 Jungjoo Youn「, Recent drama, ‘sacrificing mother’ NO, ‘selfish mother’ YES」, Women News, 2008.09.12
6 Sulgea Kim「, Housewife’s revolution. ‘My mother run out house!」, Money Today, 2008.11.07
7 Sunhee Kang「, Ajumma’s healing program」, Naeil, 2010.11.25

8 Ibid.
9 Joohee Park「, Old women’s revolution」, Hangyerie, 2003.10.30
10 Sungsu Jung「, Old men and old women’s leisure culture」, Segye, 2004.09.12
11 Youna Lee「, Drama ‘Angry mother’ makes mother revolt」, Donga Ilbo, 2008.07.19
12 Sockbin Yoon「, Mother’s Hobby makes family happy」, Hankook Ilbo, 2010.10.25
13 Soyeon Kim「, Korean Ajumma’s Chatter From Foreigner’s Point of View」, Hankookilbo, 2008.12.03
14 Sinyoung Kim「, Korean 50’s women are saddest in the world」, Chosun Ilbo, 2011.01.14